The Diagnosis: Say Cheese With Your Eyeball, Please
I heard my name being called and a tall willowy female doctor waved at me to follow her. She had shorter straight brown hair cut in a tight page boy. I sat in a chair with all kinds of apparatuses attached to it and folded my hands in my lap. The doctor turned to me and said in Russian:
“Do you speak Russian?”
“No, I am Czech.” I replied in English. I knew some Russian from a long time ago but this was hardly the situation I wanted to start practicing it again.
The doctor apologized in English and set about my exam. I positioned my chin in a divot of the machine and rested my forehead against a plastic strap. The doctor sat opposite of me and peered in my eyes shining a light so bright I was sure she could see my brain through there. I felt I couldn’t breathe normally because her face was so close to mine. Did my breath smell? I did brush my teeth that morning. I should have eaten a Tic Tac before I came in here. I snapped out of my breath worries when the doctor switched the light to a nice blue hue. After endless series of commands to look left, right, up and down, she finally told me to straighten up. I tried to read her poker face for any signs of the seriousness of my eye blob. No luck. Maybe she used to work for the KGB. I was sent back to the waiting room, but not before she dripped eye dilating drops in both of my eyes. Continue reading
Don’t Freak Out – But You Need to See This Oncologist
“Well, Eva, I don’t know what that is.” My ophthalmologist pronounced after peering in my left eye for several minutes, switching the light from bright white to blue and back, swiveling a giant apparatus around my head.
He was referring to a small blob of something that appeared on my left eye just next to the iris several months prior to this hot July 2nd Monday. At first it was just a clear nothing, I could barely see it and dismissed it as I did not want to be a hypochondriac running to the doctor with every little bump and scratch. However, in the next few months it started to grow a little and eventually changed from clear to opaque. Even though people insisted they couldn’t see it, I could tell they were lying to try and make me feel better.
“I am going to send you to someone who is very knowledgeable in these things.” Dr. N. said as he motioned for me to straighten up in the chair. He handed me a business card and while he scribbled in his chart, I looked at it. I scanned the card and my eyes focused on one word. Oncologist.
“Oh, don’t get freaked out”, Dr. N. insisted, “just because it says oncologist doesn’t mean your thing is cancer.” And smiled encouragingly. His eyes betrayed him. Continue reading
Achoo!
“Achoo!” I sneezed myself out of sleep again! It’s 5:08 AM and I know I am going to have a hard time falling back asleep. My right nostril is running relentlessly and my right eye could fill a river. I try not to think about the fact that I went to bed close to midnight not being able to stop myself from watching the Bachelor. As I blow my nose yet again and add on to the pile of tissues by my bed, I wonder if I should get up and get ready for work or try to remain in bed until the last possible minute. I opt for option two and lie down again. For once I am thankful that despite being in my mid twenties I am single because I roll up a big piece of toilet paper and stuff it in my nose. It is sticking out and itlooks like a tampon. I briefly consider that option and spend a couple minutes pondering it. Continue reading
storytotellya 
Recent Comments