Tag Archives: anxiety
I’ll Just Pretend the PET Scan Was Clear
I sat in the doctor’s office waiting room, mindlessly switching from one website to another on my tablet. My insides were twisted in pain and waves of fear pulsated down through my fingers. Then I saw him. The doctor was coming through the waiting room with lunch in his hands. He spotted me and said …
I Am Becoming Rain Man
Ever since I got my second cancer diagnosis, I noticed my increasing need for a specific routine and a rising obsession with every detail of my life. I won’t get up from the bed until the alarm clock rings even if I wake up earlier and feel ready to go. I walk my dog after …
Meet My Therapist: My Dog
The seventeen months between July 2012 and December 2013 wore me out to the point that I almost lost my mind and ended it all. While my husband supported me as much as he could when he was home, it was during the long hours when he was gone that the anxious thoughts and panic …
Don’t You Dare Be Negative
Recently, I looked online at various cancer coping magazines and saw their submission guidelines for publishing. What I came across astounded me. Many websites that claim to be designed for people who are coping with cancer warn any potential contributors that they must be “…informal, upbeat, and positive”, and that “…articles about death and dying …
The Cancer Fight Myth
When I think of a fight, I think of the battles in the Middle Ages with swinging swords and horse riders, metal armor and long marches into unknown territory, face to face combat. I think of the Matrix like bullet dodging and wall scaling. I think of cage fighting, boxing, wrestling. I think of car …
PET Scan a.k.a. Pure Emotional Torture
About two weeks before my PET scan, I found myself sitting on the floor, in the corner of the living room, my arms hugging my drawn up knees, tears streaking down my face. I didn’t want to go get a scan and get bad news. Again. I didn’t want to die. I lay awake at …
Creepy Crawley Panic Attacks
They come at the most unexpected times. They slide in like an unwanted note under the door, like a tide coming in too soon, like a swarm of bees on a mission. They make my heart beat faster and faster. They fill my stomach with their poison so I don’t eat. They close up my …
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