Tag Archives: anxiety
I Don’t Want To Try
During a checkout, a clerk in a shoe store glanced at my driver’s license issued pre-chemo and said with a crooked smile: “Oh…it is you…just your hair is different.” He didn’t hide his disapproval with the change of my look. His voice was screechy, like a goat. I bit the inside of my cheek and …
Neither Here Nor There
As I near the completion of my active treatment for cancer, I often think of what others call the landmarks and milestones I reached and passed. The biopsies, surgeries, the chemotherapy, the hair loss, the reconstruction, the PET scans, the follow ups, the blood work, the hair re-growth. It sounds as if I walked around …
My Sleeping Beauty
As I dread going to bed every night because of my persisting nightmares, I take comfort in watching my dog sleep. I have always loved watching her sleep and took pictures of it. Maybe one day, the peace that settles over her, will rub off on me too. My naturopath thinks I have PTSD and …
Treasure in the Murky Pond?
I strolled with my dog on a winding sidewalk that lead around a pond. It was warm and windy thanks to the distant hurricane. Suddenly, as I walked by one of the trees, its little branch smacked me on top of my head. I could almost hear it say: “Stop stressing out! Stop thinking about …
“I Would Rather Have AIDS than Leukemia”
I creep quietly in the cancer support group room because I am almost 15 minutes late. This is a new set of people for me. A fourth different group so far. I have been trying to find one that would actually live up to its name. I sit down in the last empty chair and …
Another Bump on the Road or, Rather, in the Groin
I came back from a work related road trip, tired and hungry. I slung my bags on the living room floor. I fished out the speeding ticket that a solemn highway patrol officer with a matter of fact approach issued to me at the beginning of my drive back, right after I was stuck in …
Hey, God: Fuck Your Plan
I saw a phrase recently that said something like God won’t give you what you can’t carry. To me it is just another one of the platitudes that religious people use to make themselves or someone else feel better about their shitty lives. After what has happened to me in the past couple years (and …
Lady In Waiting
That’s me minus the queen and the court. I wait. I wait to go to the doctor’s appointments. I wait for the results of scans and tests. I wait for phone calls giving me good news or shattering my life. I wait to fall asleep through my anxiety. I wait to eat because my stomach …
Trans-Vaginal What?
My oncologist called me, or rather sent the news via my chemo nurse, to let me know that I needed to go get a pelvic ultrasound because of an inconclusive PET scan. This was on late Friday afternoon, so I spent the whole weekend thinking I have uterine cancer, alternating between crying uncontrollably and feeling …
Can You Guess the Artist and Song?
I decided to create a poem using only the lyrics from various songs. This is about my experience with eye cancer, breast cancer, people telling me what to do and how to do it, my husband being deployed during all this, and dealing with the possibility of more health problems. I will post under the …
storytotellya 
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