My Sleeping Beauty

DSCN1836As I dread going to bed every night because of my persisting nightmares, I take comfort in watching my dog sleep. I have always loved watching her sleep and took pictures of it. Maybe one day, the peace that settles over her, will rub off on me too.

My naturopath thinks I have PTSD and my body is cleansing itself of the negative emotions from the past two years. Whatever it is, it sucks. I can’t sleep and I cry all the time. I dread going outside and talking to people, I have a hard time following even basic conversations.

I feel like I have not got a break since that day, July 2nd, 2012 when my first cancer was diagnosed. It has been two years of bad news. I don’t remember a week when I wouldn’t have to go to some kind of a doctor.

It is a wicked Catch 22. I am supposed to go out and “do things” to feel better emotionally but I can’t force myself to confront the world yet. So I stay inside and the cycle deepens.

If it weren’t for my dog, I probably wouldn’t leave the house for days. I get up, I work from home, I take my dog out and then I dread the evenings because I know I will have to go to bed soon and experience the nightmares over and over again.

Maybe one day I will get back to a semblance of what I used to be. In the meantime, I will keep watching my dog sleep.

DSCN0097Sunny Hard Life 01DSCN1854IMAG0085IMAG0212DSCN1861Sunny March home 11IMAG0316Sunny asleepSunny asleep on legDSCN1840

 

2 Comments

  1. I just can’t get enough of Sunny. So loving and so cute. I have tons of pictures of Nina sleeping. They look so peaceful when they sleep. Have you noticed how deep they fall asleep when they are near their favorite person? It’s funny sometimes how I won’t move even though I need to go to pee because I don’t want to wake her up πŸ™‚
    I hope with all my heart good news come your way very soon πŸ™‚

    • Thank you!! Sunny does fall asleep really deeply when she lays under my desk when I work. πŸ™‚

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