Tag Archives: breast cancer

“I Would Rather Have AIDS than Leukemia”

I creep quietly in the cancer support group room because I am almost 15 minutes late. This is a new set of people for me. A fourth different group so far. I have been trying to find one that would actually live up to its name. I sit down in the last empty chair and …

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Hey, God: Fuck Your Plan

I saw a phrase recently that said something like God won’t give you what you can’t carry. To me it is just another one of the platitudes that religious people use to make themselves or someone else feel better about their shitty lives. After what has happened to me in the past couple years (and …

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Lady In Waiting

That’s me minus the queen and the court. I wait. I wait to go to the doctor’s appointments. I wait for the results of scans and tests. I wait for phone calls giving me good news or shattering my life. I wait to fall asleep through my anxiety. I wait to eat because my stomach …

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Trans-Vaginal What?

My oncologist called me, or rather sent the news via my chemo nurse, to let me know that I needed to go get a pelvic ultrasound because of an inconclusive PET scan. This was on late Friday afternoon, so I spent the whole weekend thinking I have uterine cancer, alternating between crying uncontrollably and feeling …

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Can You Guess the Artist and Song?

I decided to create a poem using only the lyrics from various songs. This is about my experience with eye cancer, breast cancer, people telling me what to do and how to do it, my husband being deployed during all this, and dealing with the possibility of more health problems. I will post under the …

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I’ll Just Pretend the PET Scan Was Clear

I sat in the doctor’s office waiting room, mindlessly switching from one website to another on my tablet. My insides were twisted in pain and waves of fear pulsated down through my fingers. Then I saw him. The doctor was coming through the waiting room with lunch in his hands. He spotted me and said …

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Meet My Therapist: My Dog

The seventeen months between July 2012 and December 2013 wore me out to the point that I almost lost my mind and ended it all. While my husband supported me as much as he could when he was home, it was during the long hours when he was gone that the anxious thoughts and panic …

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Don’t You Dare Be Negative

Recently, I looked online at various cancer coping magazines and saw their submission guidelines for publishing. What I came across astounded me. Many websites that claim to be designed for people who are coping with cancer warn any potential contributors that they must be “…informal, upbeat, and positive”, and that “…articles about death and dying …

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Call Me Pamela: The Breast Reconstruction after Mastectomy

Finally, the day of my boob job was here. I felt incredibly guilty for feeling excited about having another surgery but getting my boobs back, and bigger then before, really made me happy. I knew I was never going to look completely normal and that no plastic surgeon could recreate everything exactly right, but I …

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Oh Hair, Where Art Thou: The Chemo Hair Loss Journey

I sit here, three and a half months after the last poisonous infusion that scared my hair follicles into stupor, and I can still see my scalp through the little bit of hair that managed to grow back. What’s the holdup? I ask in my head rolling my eyes upwards as if the hair could …

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