Tag Archives: eye cancer
Welcome to NYC – Oh, and the Bathroom is Downstairs
The Acela Express to New York City was delayed. Our line of mostly business clad bodies snaked from the seating area to the gate that was mercilessly closed. As soon as the announcement concluded, the incredulous looks on all the faces morphed into an angry grimace. They whipped out various high-end cell phones and, swiveling …
My Split Personality after Cancer
I sat in my Russian language class and the teacher corrected my classmate: “No, pak (*pronounced rahk) means cancer.” She nodded in self approval. “Yeah, it means cancer.” At that moment my carefully maintained composure for the day collapsed in pieces like if someone pulled out the wrong jenga block. Cancer didn’t mean the harmless …
The Great Cancer Escape a.k.a.Two Weeks of Being my Old Self
For over two years now, my world revolved around cancer. Eye cancer, breast cancer, re-occurrence, treatments and the fall-out of those. When one counselor asked me what I did for fun, at first I couldn’t think of anything and then I found myself stuttering something about cooking and taking walks with my dog. Even I …
PTSD Is Not Just For Soldiers
I stepped on the outside staircase landing, leash in the right hand, my dog pushing past my legs, tail wagging. But instead of going down the four flights of stairs, I stood rooted to the cement floor. My heart was pounding against my chest and I felt like my torso was being squeezed by an …
Eye Cancer Check-Up: Take Two
My alarm clock rang at 4:30 AM, pulling me out of a pill induced sleep. It was still dark outside and the narcotic was pushing my eyelids closed. I flung the covers off me, knowing my carefully scheduled morning routine didn’t allow for any snoozing. It was the day of my eye cancer check up …
Compartmentalizing for Sanity
Having two cancers makes you really good at compartmentalizing. Your brain transforms itself into one of those old timey apothecaries, filled with hundreds of tiny drawers and bottles with stoppers. Each drawer holds a different fear, anxiety or feeling, excitement, happiness, wonder or thrill. You go there every day, stay all day long, and slap …
For God’s Sake: STOP Tanning!
Exactly two years ago today, July 3, 2012, I was told I have two cancer tumors on the conjuctiva of my eye. They both turned out to be melanoma. The causes of these eye tumors are not 100% known. However; my doctor, a top notch specialist, did mention the sun and the thinning ozone layer …
A Model for a Day
The girls wear tight blue jeans and black tank tops. Their feet take careful steps on their four inch heeled shoes. The one and only guy swaggers in. We each have our own make up artist as we perch on the bar stools. Our front is covered with a black plastic bib and we look …
“I Would Rather Have AIDS than Leukemia”
I creep quietly in the cancer support group room because I am almost 15 minutes late. This is a new set of people for me. A fourth different group so far. I have been trying to find one that would actually live up to its name. I sit down in the last empty chair and …
Hey, God: Fuck Your Plan
I saw a phrase recently that said something like God won’t give you what you can’t carry. To me it is just another one of the platitudes that religious people use to make themselves or someone else feel better about their shitty lives. After what has happened to me in the past couple years (and …
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