When I Die

Sdeck at homeo I am thinking that when I die, it actually won’t be that bad. Either there will be nothing, kind of like going under anesthesia, in which case, you are in and then you are out. No regrets, no feeling pissed off you are missing the action. You are just out. Like the light. Switch on and switch off. But not like the fluorescent light where it takes a few seconds of flickering. This would be like a regular old bulb. On and then off.

Or it will be like in the Ghost movie. I will get to hang out with all the people that are dead already but stuck between the real world and the whatever. Those are the people who either died suddenly like murder or a car accident and don’t want to let go yet. They want to keep watching the real world because they are not ready to move on. Or they are people like me, who were sick, so it wasn’t sudden but nonetheless, they also don’t want to let go.They want to keep watching their loved ones, try to protect them.

In that case I might meet some interesting peeps. Think of all the political prisoners and people who died after they revealed some government secret or came really close to it. Or the many talented scientists from centuries past dying too soon of a disease. I am thinking this should be a really fun place to hang out and talk with everyone. Also, this would be a place where I could scare the shit out of the people I don’t like in the real world by messing with their things, turning their lights on and off, appearing as a ‘ghost’, hiding their keys, you name it. At the same time I could let the people I love know that I am fine, that I am still here, that I still exist to a degree. I think they would like it.

Or I may end up in a place where all the dead people who are OK with dying end up. Not heaven, not hell, just some place. I imagine it as an exact replica of this world but you would be able to move between the years and locations really easily. So for example, when I meet my Grandma, we would be able to go back to her apartment in Prague in 1990, and play cards, and she would cook me the svickova and I would stuff my face with 16 dumplings like I used to.

And then I would be able to appear in America in, let’s say 2003, and find Ti, my beloved Beauceron, who died in 2012. There would be no one else, because only she died…and we would have the whole house to ourselves and the whole yard, and we would play with the ball and then I would let her sit on the couch with me and we would just hang out.

And then I would go to my other grandparents’ house, about 60km outside of Prague and find my granddad in the garden and ask him all the questions about WWII that I didn’t know to ask when he was still alive. We would sit in the garden, among his beloved tulips, the sun would shine and we would talk and talk.

This final reality would be one where not only you can move between years and places with ease, it would also be a place where everyone is in the same class, no one is above anyone else, everyone can mingle, and there is no evil. No theft, no gossip, no jealousy, no murder, no conniving, no backstabbing. All the murderers and killers and torturers and thieves and liars of the worst kind would not be there. Why? Because you would only see the people you want to see. You would only see the places you want to see. So if you ever wanted to go in the darkness, you could. But, why would you? You got enough of it in the real world.

Besides my Grandma, Granddad and Ti, I am thinking I would want to see these people: Elvis, Freddie Mercury, George Carlin (at least once a day to make me laugh), Kurt Cobain, Albert Einstein, Louis XIV (oh, man, imagine being able to dress in those clothes at that time and run around Versailles!), Brittany Murphy (because she looks like she would be fun to hang out with), Patrick Swayze (of course to do the Dirty Dancing dance), Michael Jackson, princess Diana, Cleopatra, Alexander the Great, Caesar, Charles IV, the list can run forever.

Also, this would be a place where I would find all the animals that ever got tortured and killed by people. I would pet them and feed them and stay with them in a huge farm house with acres and acres of land. I would have a special place for all the poor pitbulls tortured and fought every day of their life. There would be a great savannah for all the elephants from all the circuses and places where they are used for labor. There would be a huge ocean for all the dolphins and orcas and whales. There would be huge meadows for all the cows from all the horrible farms around the world.

And that’s where I would be happy. Every day. No disease, no stress, no uncertainty, just peace. And that’s where I would wait for all the people I love. Patiently. Because I would want them to live long lives on the real earth. I would let them know that I am doing well by sending little messengers here and there in the form of a beautiful bird that would sit on their window sill, or a colorful butterfly landing on their shoulder. A little fox peeking out of the woods for a few seconds or a deer family standing regally, watching my loved ones for a while. I would hope that they would feel my closeness for at least a fleeting second.

So I guess there is nothing to be afraid of, right?

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