Category Archives: Miscellaneous

Everybody Stare at my Crotch a.k.a. the Hernia Surgery

For the seventh time in the last two years, I balanced on one foot in the surgery center changing room. I pulled on the sticky socks and attempted to tie the non-matching strings of the hospital gown. This time though, I wasn’t allowed to keep on my underwear. I was getting ready for a right …

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I Don’t Want To Try

During a checkout, a clerk in a shoe store glanced at my driver’s license issued pre-chemo and said with a crooked smile: “Oh…it is you…just your hair is different.” He didn’t hide his disapproval with the change of my look. His voice was screechy, like a goat. I bit the inside of my cheek and …

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My Sleeping Beauty

As I dread going to bed every night because of my persisting nightmares, I take comfort in watching my dog sleep. I have always loved watching her sleep and took pictures of it. Maybe one day, the peace that settles over her, will rub off on me too. My naturopath thinks I have PTSD and …

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Afraid To Fall Asleep

Sleep is a hated necessity for me. A dreaded occasion. A chore. A nightmare. Every night, I embark on a twisted ride like Charon on the river Styx. I glide in my kayak on the black water of the nightmare world. The water is thick like oil and sticks to my paddle and skin like …

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Treasure in the Murky Pond?

I strolled with my dog on a winding sidewalk that lead around a pond. It was warm and windy thanks to the distant hurricane. Suddenly, as I walked by one of the trees, its little branch smacked me on top of my head. I could almost hear it say: “Stop stressing out! Stop thinking about …

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At Grandma’s, Time Stood Still

As I recovered from each chemo, I often wondered what it would be like if my Grandma was still alive. I imagined myself staying at her house or, rather, a one bedroom apartment in the city. A fifth floor walk up, I used to run up the stairs, sometimes taking two at a time. Breathless, …

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A Model for a Day

The girls wear tight blue jeans and black tank tops. Their feet take careful steps on their four inch heeled shoes. The one and only guy swaggers in. We each have our own make up artist as we perch on the bar stools. Our front is covered with a black plastic bib and we look …

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The Father’s Day Bitter Pill

I forgot, It’s Father’s Day. I turn on Facebook and nearly everyone’s profile picture is changed to a faded or even a black and white photo of themselves with their father. All of them smiling, in an embrace, holding hands, gazing at each other lovingly, mid pose in a wedding dance, on a boat holding …

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Got Nominated for The Liebster Award

I came home from a long road trip, tired and with a speeding ticket in my bag.  There were so many things I had to do before going back to work the next day and I felt very overwhelmed. Then I opened my WordPress email and the sunshine shone on my day once again. I …

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Hey, God: Fuck Your Plan

I saw a phrase recently that said something like God won’t give you what you can’t carry. To me it is just another one of the platitudes that religious people use to make themselves or someone else feel better about their shitty lives. After what has happened to me in the past couple years (and …

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