Tag Archives: melanoma
“She Could Have Died in the Elevator”
My plans for this past April 2nd Thursday were simple. I would get to the hospital on time, my blood work would be at 10 AM as scheduled, followed by an 11 AM MRI and a noon follow up with my oncologist. I should have known things would once again conspire against me, when the …
Eye Cancer Check-Up: Take Two
My alarm clock rang at 4:30 AM, pulling me out of a pill induced sleep. It was still dark outside and the narcotic was pushing my eyelids closed. I flung the covers off me, knowing my carefully scheduled morning routine didn’t allow for any snoozing. It was the day of my eye cancer check up …
For God’s Sake: STOP Tanning!
Exactly two years ago today, July 3, 2012, I was told I have two cancer tumors on the conjuctiva of my eye. They both turned out to be melanoma. The causes of these eye tumors are not 100% known. However; my doctor, a top notch specialist, did mention the sun and the thinning ozone layer …
Hey, God: Fuck Your Plan
I saw a phrase recently that said something like God won’t give you what you can’t carry. To me it is just another one of the platitudes that religious people use to make themselves or someone else feel better about their shitty lives. After what has happened to me in the past couple years (and …
“You Have Giraffe Eyelashes”
I hate the smell of acacia in the morning. Or it may be a different tree, different flower. But its smell causes pangs in my stomach because it blooms in late May and early June and reminds me of when I was a kid and used to walk to school terrified of the final exams. …
I’ll Just Pretend the PET Scan Was Clear
I sat in the doctor’s office waiting room, mindlessly switching from one website to another on my tablet. My insides were twisted in pain and waves of fear pulsated down through my fingers. Then I saw him. The doctor was coming through the waiting room with lunch in his hands. He spotted me and said …
Meet My Therapist: My Dog
The seventeen months between July 2012 and December 2013 wore me out to the point that I almost lost my mind and ended it all. While my husband supported me as much as he could when he was home, it was during the long hours when he was gone that the anxious thoughts and panic …
Five Days with Me, Myself and My Sewn Shut Eye
Almost exactly a year ago, I was healed from my eye cancer surgery and the subsequent chemo drops that ate away at my eyeball, and I was planning our trip to France. However, the Tuesday before our departure for the city of love, I had to go for another checkup with my eye surgeon. I …
Dance Party in the MRI Machine
“Everybody dance now…give me the music” C&C Music Factory screamed in the headphones that the MRI tech put over my ears. I lay on a hard narrow table with a wedge under my knees, about to enter the scan tunnel. “…come on let’s sweat, baby…let the music take control…let the rhythm move you…sweat…sweat”. The music …
The Cancer Fight Myth
When I think of a fight, I think of the battles in the Middle Ages with swinging swords and horse riders, metal armor and long marches into unknown territory, face to face combat. I think of the Matrix like bullet dodging and wall scaling. I think of cage fighting, boxing, wrestling. I think of car …
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